Our little girl

It's been a little while since I posted an update on Libby, and that's partly because there has been a lot of good progress going on with her, and Murphy's Law says that just as soon as I post a good update, we'll revert backwards and I'll eat my words.  All joking aside, she has made incredible strides in the eating department, which has always been a giant challenge for her.  And it's high time that I share some of the awesome details!

So, let's go back about 5 months...  Lib had just turned a year old (yes, it's been that long ago!), she finally hit the 3% mark on her growth chart (she liked to hover right below), but she was not a big fan of table food. It was strange, because around 9 months I felt like she was loving food...experimenting with textures and even eating things like broccoli and green beans, which were two foods that were totally off-limits by the boys' standards.  But then she just stalled and even took a couple steps back.  I guess she decided that table foods were overrated.  But baby girl loved her baba...try to give her a sippy and she would high-tail it in the opposite direction like that cup had the plague or something.

I voiced my concerns with her GI Doc, and she suggested a swallow study.  From that, we found that Libby had deep penetration of liquids to her vocal cords, consistently.  Pair that with the fact that she still suffered from reflux, and it's no wonder why she didn't want to eat.  The biggest concern, though, was that since she was penetrating with every swallow, the therapist had to believe that Libby was also aspirating sometimes. So, we started thickening her liquids.  Speech therapy was also added in...not to teach her to talk, but to help her learn how to use her mouth and tongue to eat, and to also get used to different textures.  Luke had speech therapy at her age as well, so I dug back into my archives and pulled out a few tricks that we used with him (this is why I write everything down -- even seemingly useless information).

{Brush your teeth, girl!}

{Reading her touch and feel book to Froggie}

Two months later, Libby ditched the baba and started using her cup...out of nowhere.  Seriously, it was like a light switch flipped on.

And then, two months after that, she was eating like a champ.  I don't know if it was due to some of the tricks we were using, or if she just hit a developmental milestone all on her own, but either way, she's doing great.  Last month, we were officially discharged from therapy and from the GI clinic.  This Momma was doing a major happy dance, complete with cartwheels and backflips...okay, not really, but I sure did want to!!

{She doesn't usually use grown up forks, but she was persistent.}

{Goldfish anyone?}

Along with figuring out the whole eating thing, she is also becoming more and more coordinated.  She can feed herself with a spoon or fork, she loves to climb any elevated, flat surface (and sometimes not so flat), and she balances on things that I would fall right off of!  Her favorite pastime is climbing our stairs. :-) Sometimes, she'll just sit on them and dangle her legs back and forth.  It's pretty cute.  Lib loves her dolls, and she has a special little frog that she plays with a lot.

Libby is using more and more words on her own each day:  Momma, Daddy, Bubba, Baby (which is any small person including children), bear, ball, kitty, puppy, dog, up, down, all gone, thank you, blankie, papi (paci), papaw, gentle, shoe, book, drink, bite, bye-bye, hi, cracker, cookie, down, uh-oh, peek-a-boo, cheese, just to name some off the top of my head.  It seems like each day she surprises me with a word that I didn't even realize she knew!  She also nods her head yes or no when asked a simple question, and she can point to her eyes (oh, yeah, she says eyes, too), nose, mouth, ears, hair, and belly.

She loves to give kisses, and even makes the mmmm-uh sound when she shares them with others.  She's a sweet little girl, that's for sure.  But, she's also very spunky and can throw some pretty awesome tantrums complete with arched back and flailing arms. :-) We're working on that, lol.

It's pretty fun to see some similarities she has with Luke's personality...very nurturing, and gentle with her babies...and then to see some similarities with Levi...her love for climbing and riding toys and reading books. She also has some traits that are unique to her own little person, too, like the way she grabs her blankie and paci and heads for the stairs when she's tired.  Baby girl loves her sleep.  And the obsession she has with shoes.  And the way that she takes the opportunity to rest her head on anyone that is laying on the living room floor with an "awwww" and a pat. :-)

The other morning, Levi was helping me change Libby for the day, and he said to me, "Momma, Libby can't grow big because she's our baby."  I explained to him that she needed to grow big and strong like him, to which he replied, "then we need another baby."  Clearly, he is loving his baby sister being a "baby".  What he doesn't realize, yet, is that she'll always be his "baby" sister. :-) These moments are fleeting, and Lib is growing so quickly right before our eyes.  I love this age so much. While she is incredibly busy, investigating anything and everything within her grasp, the look of astonishment on her face and the excitement in her sweet little voice over discovering the simplest things is so precious...the softness of a fuzzy kitten, the way a wooden spoon and pot make an excellent replacement for a drum set, the crinkle of a bag, how a hug and a pat can make the grumpiest of little boys smile.  Libby is definitely a constant reminder to enjoy the little things in life, that is for sure.

I'll try not to wait until she's 2 before I post another update. :-)

I guess it just occurred to me that I should elaborate on our eating tricks that we used for Libby in case others are in need of some ideas.  A lot of what we did with her was all in play, and we introduced a lot of different textures:  soft fuzzy blanket on her cheek, a feather, gentle strokes on her cheek, etc.  Also, sand play, water play, and playing with dry rice were some things that we tried.  We let her play with her food a lot, which helped her get a feel for mixed textures.  Letting her feed herself helped tremendously, because she got a feel for the food's texture before she placed it in her mouth ...and that way she knew what to expect her mouth to feel.  And then of course, the good 'ole tooth brush on her tongue and inside of her cheek as well as her teeth.  Hope that is helpful!

November

November is prematurity awareness month.  Each November, I share the March of Dimes pictures that flood my newsfeed on my FB page...I post statistics on premature birth that are presented on the website...I share some of the few pictures that I have of Luke - the "least scary" ones because I realize that some people are sensitive - all in a valiant attempt at spreading awareness.  The truth is, though, that sometimes it's the heartfelt personal stories that speak louder than all of the pictures and numbers (although for me, those pictures trigger a giant lump in my throat every.single.time).  I have shared the basic highlights of Luke's story...how and why he arrived early, his birth story, and some details of his NICU stay.  There are so many memories surrounding that experience, though, I may never share them all.  No one will ever know our complete story, because it's encompassed by deep emotions that I can never, ever put into words no matter how passionately I write.

Last week, I took a trip to Texas to visit my sister and her family.  On the way there, my flight connected in Orlando before heading to Austin.  As I was standing in the Indianapolis airport waiting to board the flight, a woman walked up and stood in the staging area.  She looked so much like Nurse Dian, one of Luke's primary nurses.  This lady had short, spiky hair, and I saw the way she smiled at a little boy playing with a ball...it reminded me so much of Dian.  So, of course, I spent the entire flight reminiscing.

When I got to Texas, I had a great visit with my sister and her family.  When I refer to "sister", most who know me well immediately think of Shelbey, my younger sister that I grew up with.  Very few of my friends know about Audria, the sister I am referring to now, because I didn't even know about her until I was 14...and I didn't really get to know her well until I was in college.  She and I are still getting to know each other now, filling in the missing pieces of our childhoods spent living apart.  So naturally, we talked during our visit...a lot.  I told her about seeing the passenger on the plane who looked like Nurse Dian, and then I told her a story that I haven't been able to share with nearly anyone else because mostly, I've been ashamed.

I've mentioned before that the NICU experience is the most intense roller coaster ride that you could possibly imagine...think "steep uphill climbs, sharp turns, upside-down loopty-loop's, abrupt stops, unexpected reverses mixed in with an instantaneous plummet that makes the pit of your stomach drop."  Yeah, it's like that.  Throughout it all, though, the end of the ride is the worst.  At the beginning, you don't really know what to expect (and that sucks, too...it really, really sucks), but by the end, the final obstacle is in sight and you just want it to be there already...you want to be home and you are emotionally drained.

May 15:  Well, today you had an ultrasound of your "male parts" and your head.  

Both are great -- you do have a little fluid in your private area, 

but it's nothing to be concerned about.  

It looks like you're up in weight to 2205g, 

which is 4lbs 14oz.  You have a hernia on your belly button.  

The nurse said it should go away by the time you're 2.  

Your friend Maddox went home yesterday.  I know you're getting close!

I remember sitting at Luke's bedside that day.  My Mom and Dad had come down to visit Luke, and I sat there for a long time with each of them, trying so hard to hold it together and to be strong, and happy, and thankful that my boy was undoubtedly doing so well.  But, I couldn't.  I saw babies come and go all of the time.  I was always, always so happy for their families.  But, when babies started leaving that had arrived when Luke did, it was hard.  Why wasn't my baby getting to leave, too?  Why was he taking so much longer to learn to eat and breathe at the same time?  Why won't these Brady's just stop...shouldn't they be over by now?  Why are some babies leaving weighing even less than Luke?  And the worst...why am I crying because babies are going home to their families?  What the hell is wrong with me?!

I couldn't be seen like this.

I practically ran to the lactation room, hooked up to the pump (one of the jobs that actually made me, strangely, feel like I was doing something for my baby), and then in solitude, I sobbed.  And I mean I ugly sobbed.  For the previous two months, I let go of many tears.  I drove to see Luke every single day, some days staying until the early hours of the next, and each day while I made that long drive back home, I cried.  Maybe it was just a bad day, maybe I experienced an unexpected but minor setback, maybe it was a good day and I cried happy tears, or maybe it was a hard day for another family and my tears were for them.  It's amazing that I have any tears left, really.  I've never cried so much in my life, and I'm a pretty emotional person.  But on that day, for the first time since Luke was born, I was crying because I felt sorry for myself.  And then I cried even harder once I realized how selfish I was being.    

I have read over and over that no one truly understands what it's like to be a NICU parent until they are right in the thick of living it.  And that is so true.  It's hard.  The entire thing.  It triggers emotions and thoughts that you never in your wildest dreams thought existed in your being.  But on that particular day, a day when I just had to fall apart for myself, Nurse Dian got it.  She never spoke a word, but buzzed around, doing her typical routine.  She smiled when I needed it, and she let me sit in peace and quiet.  After I got back from my meltdown, this was hanging in Luke's pod:

{My Scanner only grabbed 3/4, but the far right says "We Love you, Luke".}

So many families have been in our shoes, are riding the NICU roller coaster as you are reading this, or may someday have a premature baby.  I share bits and pieces of our ride, not to just give some insight, but also in hopes that my words can be a sense of comfort, or calm, or even just understanding for someone else.  More than that, though, I hope my words are a realization.  Look, I'm just a woman, who was in perfectly good health, who took for granted that she would have a healthy, full term pregnancy.  I may be you, or you, or you, and you don't even know it, yet.  I hope that the words "premature birth" are unspoken words someday, but today, they are spoken.

 

Those words were our reality.

If you are pregnant, are planning on becoming pregnant, or know someone that you'd like to share pregnancy information with, you can click here for steps that you can take to have the healthiest pregnancy possible.
    

He's four...

I cannot believe that it's been nearly 2 months since I did a real "this is how my babies are doing" update. Sometimes I feel like my blog has become a sort of forgotten step-child...and I say that in the most endearing way possible.  While I blog as a means of keeping important milestones and events recorded, I've been so busy living in the moment that I haven't stepped away to put everything in writing.  This happens often, and I initially feel kind of guilty, before snapping right out of it.  Sometimes the process of making memories is a lot more important than the process of preserving them.  Not sometimes, really, all of the time.  Because if we didn't make them, there would be nothing to preserve.

But, right now, I'm preserving.

...because Birthdays are special, and meaningful, and they invite the golden opportunity to bask in the day and reflect on the past.  I really love reflecting.

Levi was born four years ago on Sept 19th.  He wasn't due until October 23rd, so his early arrival was a bit of a surprise, although since his brother came much earlier, I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to stay pregnant for so much longer.  The birth of each of my children represents a new beginning.  Of course, our family expands by one more sweet little one, and our hearts grow even larger.  Levi brought with him a gift, though…a renewed sense of self for me.  I struggled with feelings of guilt and failure from Luke’s prematurity, and I still do from time-to-time (the “what-if’s” can get to me), but Levi’s pregnancy and birth and infancy and toddlerhood…they all reminded me of everything that I am capable of instead of what I am not.  I can have a take-home baby.  My baby can thrive on my milk.  I can live on very little sleep with a toddler in tow and work full time and help run a business while doing it.  I can parent two different children, differently.  I can love more than one child, with the same heart, and to the fullest extent.  I am not a failure; my body did not fail my children…it just does things differently.  And sometimes the challenges that come with different are okay.  Sometimes they're more than okay...they're just plain good.

{My take-home baby.}

Levi has had a HUGE year of growth this past year.  Three months prior to turning three, he met his new sister and forfeited the title of “baby of the family”.  I was a little nervous for him, because he was the baby of the fam for nearly three years.  I didn't know how well he'd make the transition...afterall, he is a tiny bit of a Momma's boy. :-)  But it didn't take him long to warm right up to his little sister.

He has evolved into the sweetest big brother.  He still has his moments of tormenting little sis by taking her paci, for example, but that’s all part of being an older sibling, right?!  Every morning, Lib is the first person he asks about, and every evening, she’s the last person he wants to kiss goodnight…”A kiss and a hug, Momma…and now, Wivvy.”

I absolutely hated being the middle child growing up...so much so, that I swore up and down and all around that I would *never* have an odd number of children.  I guess it's a good thing that someone else is in control of these little details, huh? :-)  Being the middle child is actually a really good place to be.  You have an older sibling to look up to...to teach you...to pal around with...

And you have a younger sibling to in turn serve as a role model for, and to teach, and to smother in love...

{Sharing a kiss, and a love for goldfish.}

Levi's my magical middle.  He is funny, he is smart, he is quirky (must.wear.jeans...only), he is artistic, he is super-sweet (and quite the charmer), he is intense, he is ornery, and he is all boy.

Levi is everything that I didn't even know my heart needed after such a tough first pregnancy.  And on really rotten days, he always knows the right thing to say to make me appreciate what I've been gifted in this life.

Four years have certainly flown by, and it seems like each year goes more quickly than the last.  My little man isn't so much a baby anymore, and he amazes me each day with some of the most witty lines and pretty impressive facial expressions.  I am so thankful for my Levi, and for the smiles that he brings to me each and every day.

{What a difference a year can make!}

Four years!!!  I love you SO MUCH, Bubba.  You are the best Levi in the whole wide world, and Momma doesn't know what she would do without you. :-)

A Day at the Pumpkin Patch

A few weekends ago, my friend, Amanda, and I decided that it would be the perfect day to take our kids to the pumpkin patch.  I had heard a lot of good things about Guffey Acres, and I really wanted to go check it out.

The kids LOVED bouncing on the Corn Popper.  Heck, I even wanted to get on there and jump around.  (Don't worry, I didn't!)

{Hey, I wanna jump!}

The kids could build their own giant lincoln log cabins...

Make a mess in the corn box...

Or even shoot cannons at the animal signs...

{Luke hit the cow!}

{Lil got a lift!}

There was a Barnyard Barrel Train...

And a jungle gym, and cattle roping, and an area for training future B&S crew, and an animal barn...

To say that these kiddos kept busy would be an understatement!  They were even able to pick up a pumpkin before we left.

I think everyone had a great time. :-)

I am really lovin' this Indiana weather we've been having.  Fall is one of my favorite Seasons, and if you just scroll up, you can see why.  This weekend we're relaxing a bit...taking in the cool breeze and warm sunshine! October is already flying by, just like August and September did, so I am enjoying every second of it.