Take me out to the ball game...

Today was Luke's first T-ball game. :-)

I remember going to my oldest nephew's T-ball games when he was just an itty bitty dude, and I've looked forward to this day pretty much ever since the day we found out that Luke was going to be a boy.  I love me some T-ball!

Luke plays on the Red Sox, and he's #4.  He did very well today. :-)  They give the players each 3 pitches, and then if they don't hit off of the pitch they can hit off of the tee.  Luke didn't need the tee at all today!  He hit both of his pitches.  Yay, Luke!

{My little lefty}

{About to hit the ball...it is level with his helmet if you look real close.}

{Safe at first!}

Luke also go to play first base during the first inning. :-)

And I got some pretty awesome action shots of him playing the field in the second inning.

We had a lot of fun. :-)

My big-time owie

Before I delve into this post, I want to extend my love to those who are suffering right now.  Boston, Texas, local friends and family who have experienced personal losses and damages from recent flooding…last week was difficult and trying for many.  My hearts and thoughts are with you.

Most of my posts center around my children…milestones they attain, “firsts”.  But sometimes, I have firsts of my own, and sometimes they’re not pretty.  Sometimes, these firsts send me to the Parenting section of Amazon{dot}com, feverishly typing words into the search field such as “strong-willed” and “magic” and “super nanny”.  Yes, I went there…

And then, I post a status like this to my FB page, and log off just as quickly as I hit “enter” because I almost regret posting it:

I've been called a lot of things in my lifetime...I've taken several low-blows and I've been degraded. Being told that you are a bad parent and that you are essentially ruining your child...well, that's a tough pill to swallow, and by far the worst insult I've ever received. I don't usually air my dirty laundry on FB, but man, I'm feeling pretty low. :-(

I almost regretted posting, until the next morning, when I read a message from one of my favorite ladies:

 Read...then reread all the comments on your post...they are still popping up!...

And then I read (and re-read) all of the comments...all 55 of 'em and the additional individual comments posted to my page!

I had a moment last week…a moment when I felt completely vulnerable, weak, and low.  I’m a confident person…notsomuch that I would say I’m perceived as being arrogant, I don’t think, but my Momma raised me to know and love who I am.  She always taught me that you have to love yourself before you can love others.  Last week, though, I took a shot to the kneecaps, and it knocked me straight to the ground, and I lost touch with that person.      

“...and that visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength.”  --Audre Lorde

I think, sometimes, it’s okay to admit that you need your own personal rescue team to swoop in and pick you up off of your knees.  It’s okay to admit that you’re hurting…that you need a pep talk.  Pulling from my community of friends and family, although it seemed so needy and selfish (especially in retrospect, with all of the tragedy that would ensue across the world in the following days), was what I needed.  Reading each and every one of the sweet comments that my friends and family posted, not to mention the texts that came flooding in almost immediately, made me feel important, good, loved.  It made me feel worthy.  And all too often we forget just that…that we all are important, we all are worthy.


I know that there will be times in Luke, Levi, and Libby’s lives when they will face situations like I faced last week…situations where they get big-time owies that you can’t just kiss and slap a band-aide on to make everything all better.  But, just as those situations arise and they see the ugliness in people whose opinions really don’t matter, I hope they see the beauty in their rescue team...the positive people that surround them and who really do matter.  And in times when they feel outnumbered and all alone, I hope that I teach them to have the courage to look within themselves to find that beauty and strength to brush themselves off, hold their head up high, and carry on.  

I am carrying on. :-)  And I'll let you know how the books work out. ;-) 

10 months old...

This month has been an amazing realization that our sweet Libby is transitioning out of her baby phase and into toddlerhood.  Little Lady started crawling like a pro about a week after she turned 9 months old, and she has been on the move ever since!  She's pulling up without any assistance, she's cruising furniture, she's going from sitting, to kneeling, to standing on her own (sometimes she gets stuck in a downward facing dog position, and I feel like I need to bust out my yoga mat), and she can stand without holding onto anything for a good 20 seconds or so before plopping on her tooshie.  She is fearless.  She takes steps without even thinking twice about the fact that she's going to face-plant.  Girlfriend has places to go!! :-)

{Standing girl munching on...paper?}  

Some Libby firsts:

{First 4-wheeler ride}

{First Easter}

{First time in the swing = sleeping beauty}

 

{First ride in her BOB without being strapped in her infant carrier.}

Aside from the new physical activity that Libby is mastering, she has also started to increase her interest in food.  She still doesn't have any teeth, but that doesn't stop her from trying a little bit of this and that off of our dinner plate.  We're still sticking with fruits, veggies, and grains, but instead of purees all of the time she's starting to get the hang of mashing soft steamed fruits and veggies with her gums.  We feed her when we eat, and it is so cute to see her trying to mimic our chewing motion.  She really enjoys her puffs. :-)

Lib had her GI follow-up in Indy last week.  She is still a petite little thing, measuring weight-wise under the 3rd %.  

{Libby's Growth Chart}

Percentiles are basically a means of keeping track of baby's growth.  Here's how they translate:  in a group of 100 babies that are Libby's age, roughly 97 or so would be heavier in weight than her.  The thing is, her "velocity" as the Doctor calls it, looks good.  She didn't start out in the 90th percentile and then plummet below the 3rd...she's always been small, but she's gaining appropriately.  There is still a rise in her growth curve.  They (Doctors) were hoping that the rise of her curve would have been greater earlier on, but little lady was diagnosed with reflux which caused her significant pain when eating.  She still only takes a little over 4oz at a feeding.  That is why her calories per oz of food is greater than typical.  

Libby's Doctor wants her to stay at 30 cals/oz right now, and we'll go back to see her in June after Libby's first birthday to formulate a plan for transitioning her to milk.  She will more than likely transition to Pediasure because of its higher calorie content, but the frequency is what we need to figure out based on her weight gain in the next couple of months.  Doctor does not like her patients to be solely on Pediasure because it's very sweet, and that can cause an issue with transitioning to regular milk when the time comes.  Libby is completely weaned off of her Zantac, which is awesome!  We may need to put her back on for temporary spurts during cold/flu season because sickness can tend to make reflux worse, but for now, we're med-free!   

{15lbs 3.5oz, 27.75 inches long}

Ten months.  Double-digits, folks!  I really can't believe that Libby's first Birthday is less than two months away.  I've been starting to plan her party (okay, who am I kidding?  I've been planning it for months now, LOL), and I have to say that it's a little bittersweet to be planning my last "first".  Each month, we watch our sweet little lady grow and develop her little personality...although I would be totally fine with hitting the slow-mo button right now, I'm also so excited to see what is in store for the next month with Libby.  

Happy 10 months baby girl!

March for Babies 2013

Today, Team Sparkles participated in our 5th March for Babies.

We actually had a beautiful walk day, thus the sunglasses and squinting eyes. :-)

With each year that we walk, our sense of purpose grows stronger.  We meet families with stories of prematurity and loss of their own...stories that bind us all with a common thread.  Today, I had a couple of very special Mommas on my heart as we walked.  Though the outcomes of their stories are different from my own, we each have the very same tug at our hearts and a deeper appreciation for the money we raise.  Every step we take and every dollar we raise brings hope...hope for our babies...hope for the future...hope that one day, all babies will be born healthy.  

Team Sparkles was able to raise just under $800 this year!  We'd like to thank each and every person who made a donation through our team.  Your generosity is appreciated more than I can type out in words!

Thank you. :-)  

A Lucky Birthday

Preface...because all long blog posts deserve one.  This took me a while to type up.  I started a little, stepped away, deleted a lot, rewrote, deleted, and typed some more...sometimes matters of the heart don't always translate well onto paper for me.  I wanted to do justice to my boy's big day, so I took my time...but I tried not to take so long that I forgot the tiny details that made his day so special.  So, we begin...  

On Friday, March 15th, Luke turned 5 years old.

It just so happened that Luke’s Birthday fell on a Friday this year, and we always celebrate on the Sunday following, which was St Patty’s Day…a “Lucky” Birthday. 

I have known for quite some time that I wanted to do something really special on Luke’s 5th Birthday.  I’m not sure where the magical Birthday # 5 floated into my mind, but it did, and it kind of stuck.  I guess we’ve ventured into that comfortable spot where we know that this miraculous preemie boy is going to be okay.  As a matter of fact, we know that he’s going to be great…and he IS great.  When Luke came home from the hospital at 72 days old, he had a list of goals set before him.  He was nearly 3 months behind developmentally and physically (he was 5lbs 2oz, the size of a small newborn).  Luke continued to see a Developmental Specialist for three years.  He had some Early Intervention and Occupational Therapy, a little help with eating and swallowing, treatment for reflux and delayed stomach emptying, and now at the age of 5, we can say that he is a perfectly healthy little boy.  You cannot even tell that he was born weighing less than a 2lb bag of sugar.  Five is lucky…WE are lucky.

Five years ago, B and I met our amazing Son, and we also met an amazing team of Medical Professionals that would sustain our Son’s life; providing him with goals to achieve in order to come home to us and the means with which to achieve them.  These wonderful people worked meticulously around the clock, never missing a beat…always paying close attention to every single detail about our Son and always taking the time to listen to our concerns.  I wanted to share Luke's Lucky Birthday #5 with them in some small way as a token of our appreciation.

So, Friday morning Luke and I started our day off right with breakfast at Bullshipper's with Grandpa Sparks and brother Levi...

He had cupcakes at Preschool with his class...

We stopped by to see Grandma Davis at work, because she has to see her Grandbabies on their Birthdays :-) ...

And then we set off on a trip to Indianapolis to greet the St Vincent Women's NICU crew with some celebratory cupcakes from The Flying Cupcake...six dozen, to be exact (I hope there were enough!).  

When we first arrived, I was a little nervous that no one would remember me.  I mean, it had been five years, and although the past five years seemed to have flown by, I know that babies come and go, in and out of these doors daily.  Luke was excited to get to our destination, and he was eager to push the elevator buttons for me...up to the third floor we went.  We exited the elevators and turned the corner to that old, familiar hallway; its entrance barricaded with two sets of automatic double doors.  The first set of doors opened, and we entered into the short NICU corridor...to the left sat the lactation rooms that I used multiple times a day for those 72 bittersweet days, and to the right, the sinks that I would lather up in, trying tediously to kill every single, little germ before entering the NICU to see my sweet boy.  The sounds...I think I heard them in my sleep for a long time after Luke came home...the beep, beep, beeps of the monitors and machines.  If I close my eyes right now, I can still hear them.  At that moment, everything came over me in a wave, and I was in that place, five years ago...except I wasn't.  I looked down.  Lukey was tugging at my coat, "C'mon, Mommy, I want to see my Nurses."  I felt hot tears well up in my eyes.  Lucky.  So, so lucky. 

I walked up to the Nurses' station, and a very familiar face greeted me.  Ann, the receptionist that let me behind the second set of double doors every day, multiple times a day for Luke's entire stay was standing there with her same, sweet smile.  I explained that I had a special delivery, and just like I was returning from the day before, she asked, "Oh, my goodness, how long has it been?!".  I told her that Luke turned five that day, and she (nor I, really) could believe it.  Luke said hi, we both marveled over his size and chit-chatted for a few, and then she called Dr. W. for a little reunion.

Because Luke had a pretty long stay at the hospital, he saw a few Doctors. ;-)  We really loved them all, but Dr. W. has a few special memories with Luke...one of the most memorable surrounds Day 72.  Dr. W. was our discharge Doctor that day.  Let me tell you a little something about life in the day of a "NICU Momma":  from day-to-day, you never really know what to expect.  It's like you're in a constant state of irrational panic.  The panic shifts in degree of intensity, but no pattern can be assigned to this panic because you're on the roller coaster ride of your life.  You never really know what's going to be in the next valley or when the next valley or peak are going to be, and they could all be within the same day.  By the time we were nearing the end of our stay, I was emotionally spent.  I tried SO hard to hold it together on most days, but let me just tell you, those lactation rooms I mentioned earlier?  Yeah, those also served as my emotional breakdown rooms.  Thank goodness they were well stocked with paper towel, because tissues just didn't cut it some days!  Luke had Brady spells that would automatically cost him 7 additional days in the hospital.  These little spells are what kept us on our toes with Luke, and they extended our stay a couple of times.  Imagine anticipating the homecoming of your sweet little one, only to have to extend it by a week, all within a matter of seconds.  Don't get me wrong, we knew that these extensions were necessary (I was witness to a few nasty Brady's, and thank goodness we were in the hospital when they took place), but it was still disheartening at the same time.  Dr. W (with the help of our favorite Nurses) quickly learned that Luke's refluxing was contributing to his Brady spells, so with proper meds on board, keeping him propped after feedings, and a few other tricks that Luke's Nurses taught me, we were able to get Luke home....finally...and on May 26th, 2008, Dr. W. happily gave us a big hug and sent us packing. :-)    

We think Dr. W. was pretty excited and surprised to see Luke and to see how big he has grown!  It helped my heart to see the expression on her face that day.  I really hope that she knows how much we appreciate her...I know I told her, I know I probably squeezed her too tight...but I hope she felt my sincere thankfulness in my words and my hug.  And I hope that, although we didn't get to see the other Doctors that took care of Luke during his stay, that they all know how much we appreciate them, too.    

We took a break in the afternoon to have dinner with Aunt Kelley, Uncle Jason, and Cousin Knox at Famous Dave's, a restaurant that B and I frequented during our daily trips to Indy...

{Ice Cream Birthday Dessert!}

And then we headed back up to the hospital to say "Hello" to a couple of extra special Nurses...

{Luke and Nurse Emily}

{Luke and Nurse Luci}

While Luke was in the hospital, he had four Nurses that became his primary Nurses, which meant that if they were working, there was a pretty good chance they'd have Luke as their patient for their shift. :-)  Nurse Emily and Nurse Luci both took care of Luke at night, and Nurse Beth and Nurse Dian (we didn't get to see them this trip, but we will next time!) took care of Luke during the day.  I tried to switch things up as much as possible so that I could actually see and get to know the wonderful women who took care of my Luke by spending some time at the NICU in the evenings as well as the days.        
 
One thing that I have learned as a Mother is that no matter how many books you read in preparation for your child(ren), no matter how many ducks you think you have set up quite nicely in a perfectly lined row, no matter how well-prepared you think you are for your new little bundle...that all goes out the window once they arrive.  This is true for a couple of reasons, really:  1)  you never really know when your child will arrive and 2)  you can't predict your child's personality.  Obviously, in my case the when factor really took my perfectly-made plans and tossed them up in the air like a deck of cards.  Picking up those cards and putting them back together in a nice, tidy stack was challenging.  That's where these awesome Nurses stepped in.  They taught me everything.  Ever change a barely 2 lb baby's diaper, through two holes in an isolette, while baby's attached to a whole slew of wires and probes?  No?  Me neither.  And I was terrified.  What if I broke him?!  Seriously!  I honestly had that fear.  Learning how to take care of Luke was a different experience than learning how to take care of a full term newborn, but I had some really great teachers...the best! :-)       

Visiting with Nurse Emily and Nurse Luci brought back some old memories.  I remember bed-side talks with them...not always about Luke, but sometimes just about life in general.  They made me feel human, more "normal" in a less-than-typical situation.  They made me feel like a Mom, which is so hard to do when you don't have complete control over your child's care in the comforts of your own home.

On Friday, Luke happily showed off his running legs and his perfectly mature lungs for his Nurses. :-)  He didn't talk much, but that's Luke.  Right now, Luke doesn't fully understand the circumstances surrounding his birth...he knows that he had Nurses that took care of him just like Libby had, but he doesn't realize the extent to which that care was provided.  Some day, he'll know that his Nurses did more than just "change his poopy diapers", but until then, B and I will always make sure that Luke knows how special he is, how special his Nurses and Doctors are to us, and how very, very lucky we are.

Happy Lucky #5, Luke!  We love you, big boy. :-)